I SHOULD BE

I am having a bit of a personal crisis. I am in a bit of a pickle trying to determine exactly what kind of person I really, truly am. My friends would tell you that I am kind, generous and a great listener. I have a good heart. But sometimes, usually just outside of an opening bus door, the good part disappears and the bee-atch takes over. I can’t help it – it’s like a superpower that fills my entire body in an instant.

Whether I am on my way to work, on my way home from work or enjoying a leisurely day, I am always patient when waiting for my bus. O.K., I am not always patient when waiting, but I do not step in front of people or bump into people when queuing to board as the bus approaches.

I have previously written about the speed of the oldest women on the island – that is their superpower. They are slow when walking and take baby steps but, when they approach a form of transportation, whether bus, train or escalator, they charge at lightening speed and mysteriously appear at the front of the line.

On a number of occasions, I have made my way to forming crowd. Sometimes I get lucky and the bus comes to a halt with the door positioned directly in my path. Other times I find myself on the outside of a circle a few meters away.

No matter how many steps it takes to get to the door, I know that someone will likely try to get in my way. This is when my nasty persona begins to come upon me. I am the next in line. I am inches away from the step. What the… What is that? I wonder as I see a stick-like thing out of the corner of my left eye. That stick thing happens to be a two- to three-foot umbrella that an auntie is using as a cane as she walks. She is literally trying to block me so that she can cut in front of me. Um…noooo. I move in and make my way up the steps.

Canes and umbrellas are popular walk block tools. Grocery bags and personal bags work well, but not as well as outstretched arms or bony elbows. Yes, it happens.

When personal items are not good enough weapons, the aunties will use…other people. Oh yes, other people.

On two occasions in the last month I have approached the bus steps only to have a grandma auntie use her outstretched arm to throw a toddler in my path. Shoving a kid at the curb is a very good way to get innocent bystanders to make way for the auntie but it did not work for me – mostly because I was mid step and I avoided the kid so that I didn’t kill him on my way down.

There are also middle-aged women who will throw the elderly aunties to the front so that they both can fight for a seat when they get inside.

So this upsets me. I want to be the good person that I know that I am but, at the same time, my anger and annoyance seem to weigh more. But I want to be good so I keep my calm and I don’t say anything.

Don’t just think the aunties do this – middle-aged men and young guys also like to break into my path and try to shove me out of the way. Sometimes I give them a look. They should know better.

When I see individuals sitting in an aisle seat, leaving the window seat vacant, sometimes I have half a mind to step over those people and take that window over any available aisle seat. They know that by sitting in the aisle, people are more likely to pass them and take another seat; they will not be cramped. They can put their bags on the window seat making it that much more unlikely that anyone will actually make them move their stuff just so someone else can have a seat. I want to be that person that says, “I know exactly what you are doing and I am going to sit here anyway. Haha.” But, because I am such a nice person, I usually suck up my frustration because I would rather not inconvenience anyone or hit them with anything and everything I am carrying.

So apparently on the outside I am a nice, quiet, polite individual but my insides just pack down the frustration. Lately I have been trying to put those evil thoughts and frustrations out of my mind. After all, these things can only annoy me if I allow them to do so. I decide what makes me angry and what makes me happy. And I choose to be happy.