31 July 2011

WAYS TO FIT IN


Well, it took me a few months but I think we are truly settled in our new world. The following is a short list of ways we found to fit in with the millions of people here in Singapore:


Get used to the weather
There are three weather classifications – hot, breezy and rainy – and nothing else. It takes about three days to realize this and about two months for a body to adjust to the climate. No one watches a weather report because it is always hot and sunny with a chance of rain. Umbrellas are made to fit inside purses and hair ties are as present on wrists as this season’s bangle bracelets.


Meet people
Before moving, someone told me that the most important thing to do upon arrival was to create and stick to a routine. By knowing what I could do each day, I would keep myself from going crazy. For me, I found that the most important thing was to meet people.

When I lived in Columbus, I spent most of my time at work so it should be no surprise that I regarded many of my colleagues as close friends. Without a job, I had to make an effort to find people with whom I could be social. We were introduced to one couple through a friend in the U.S. The couple is on their second Singapore expat adventure and we have had a great time with them. Paul met a few people through his work and I joined the American Women’s Association. I have to admit, I should have joined the AWA upon arrival as the friendly female connection has made me feel much more at home than I did felt alone in a new apartment while Paul was out of the country for a week at a time.


Wander
Exploring the island took a little more effort because I was raised in the technology age. I was fording rivers along the Oregon Trail before I learned cursive. This dependency on technology and reliance on Google Maps caused me to stay in my apartment all alone (when Paul was gone) until we have suitable technology that could direct me to where I needed to be. Consulting Google Maps and writing down detailed direction to a location worked out well until I realized that one cannot often get home the same way one arrived. That is how I wound up lost in Little India our first week here.

Now that I am more familiar with the transportation systems and how the island is mapped out, I am much more eager to get out and explore. I have visited parks, gardens, museums, shopping areas and restaurants with tables for one – ok two, but I only needed one chair.


 Learn the language
While I believe I am getting better at understanding Singlish, I do still have trouble understanding local pronunciations. Paul gets particularly frustrated with “th” sounds and wants to break into schools and just make all of the students say “th” over and over again. Recently I started to ponder English pronunciations. I am not sure the Americans are always right.

In America, yes, one may use the American pronunciations. But when it comes to words like “salon” and “butter,” which is correct: “sal-on” vs. “suh-lon,” “butter” vs. “but-tah.” With the overwhelming Aussie population and the slightly fewer number of Brits in the area, I am starting to believe that we should be speaking like them.


Be confident
When one is used to being in the cultural and national majority, one must adapt to being in the minority. What I may think is not always correct. What I may want to do may not always be right. People may stare at the fair-skinned white girl in a sundress in Little India. I have learned that maintaining a demure confidence helps me fit in with others around me.

There are many more lessons to be learned here in Singapore, so stay tuned.

25 July 2011

STARTING OVER

Starting over in a new country has been a great experience, and I hope I have the opportunity to do this again and again and again. I enjoy landing in a new world, finding familiarities and interacting with a truly blended society. Now that we have made the move once, I think we could continue to move wherever the wind blows us.

Through the American Women’s Association, I have met many seasoned expat wives who have adapted to European, American, Asian and Aussie cultures, among others when their job – ok, usually the husband’s job – caused the families to relocate.

I had a great chat with a woman last week who gave insight into some of the Asian nuances that I have been trying to understand since we landed, one being where to walk. I hate walking anywhere in Singapore because no one watches where they are walking. We are constantly being bumped into and pushed aside, and it drives me nuts. We first thought that people walked on the right because that is the way we did it in America. That was wrong.

We later thought that walking on the left was the norm since people here drive on the left side of the road. That was also wrong. So, if one cannot walk on the left and one cannot walk on the right, what remains? The middle! I figured out that we just need to walk in the middle and everyone else will just move around us. Also wrong, which, you see, is why I hate walking.

Yesterday I nearly tripped over a man who cut me off mid stride. I smacked right into his back and backside as our feet touched and he just continued walking as if nothing had happened. “Excuse you!” I softly yelled and threw up both of my arms. No reaction. Paul looked at me and asked if the guy said anything. “No,” I replied. And that is how it is here.

People do not look where they are walking, they often do not make eye contact in public and the old ladies always want to be first for everything. I get the impression that this is a very impatient society but the people walk and work so slowly that that cannot be a correct assumption.

We talked about these cultural differences at our last AWA coffee. One woman told stories of her epic adventures standing in lines/queues and squeezing onto trains. “You have to learn to fit in where you are," she said.

Out of context, I believe she is right. However, in the conversation, she spoke of how she stands her ground and fights for her position if she is the first in line. She had, after all, earned her right to be first on the bus or first on the train, and I got to thinking – when immersed in a new culture and attempting to “fit in where you are,” which culture wins? Am I, as a foreigner, supposed to leave my traditions and cultural nuances behind and adopt all that the Asian culture has to offer? Or, am I supposed to force my customs onto the Asian people with whom I come into contact and make them learn to be patient, watch where they are walking and wait their turn in line because that is how I was raised?

I happen to believe that I am the minority and this is not my original home, so I need to respect the beliefs and practices of those around me whether or not I agree with them. By learning why people do the things they do, I begin to have a better understanding of my frustrations and how to be less stressed in those situations.

For instance, I learned that the reason Asian people do not make eye contact or get out of my way when walking is because, in their culture, a person who makes eye contact with a passing person acknowledges the other person’s presence and thereby is required to make room for the other. In other words, they believe that if I see them coming, I am to move out of their way. It turns out, I am the problem, not the other way around.
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Yes, some people could get really upset about all of the aunties shooting to the front of every line so that they may be first, but I have learned to see them coming from the corners of my eyes. I chuckle a little to myself when I see them and I take a step back. So, yes, I believe that one does need to find a way to fit into his or her environment, but I wholeheartedly believe that it is my responsibility to find the right ways to fit in respectably. 

22 July 2011

IT HAD TO BE THE BEST


I confess, I have a bit of OCD about certain things in my life. I prefer square objects over round, I always properly align my silverware upon sitting at a dining table and, when I make something, I am disappointed if anything is less than perfect. So, a few weeks ago when I decided that I needed to knit a baby blanket for a friend just weeks away from giving birth after years of not knitting a thing, I knew I was about to face a challenge.

My mom is a professional knitter. I do not think I have a memory of a time in my life when my mom was not knitting something for someone. She taught me the basics of knitting at a young age when an elementary school assignment required me to teach the class something. My mom taught me to knit, I documented each step on my piece of paper and then, in true show and tell fashion, showed my class the craft.

Knitting is sort of a hobby but it is not something I do regularly. I have to be in the mood – odd, I know. In college, after many years of not knitting, I picked up a pair of needles and started making winter scarves. All of my friends loved them, so I made a lot of them and gave them away as gifts. People even paid me to make scarves in time for winter each year. Scarves are easy, they are fun to make and they do not take much time. I have never made a blanket.

I thought this would be a fun project that would give me something to do during the day. I have never been as good as my mother but I constantly push myself by picking patters that are of a higher difficulty than my skill level at the time. Let me just say – thank God for You Tube.

After days of searching the web to find a craft store that I did not think existed, I hit the jackpot with Spotlight. I made my way downtown, up to the fifth floor of Plaza Singapura and entered the closest thing to Hobby Lobby that I will find in Asia. I picked some yarn, circular needles and spacers that I had never used but always saw my mom using.

It has been a few years since I knitted anything, so I knew this project was aggressive. I had to laugh at myself when I got all set up and could not remember how to get the yarn on the needle. “OMG this is not going to work…”

After a few minutes, I did remember what I was doing and I suppose that term about riding a bicycle also applies to knitting. I got the hang of it. It has been more than a week and I am still on the practice yarn. I have started over four or five times (I stopped counting after four), but I am now confident that I can do this. I am going to give myself a few more days and I think I will be ready for the real thing next week. Of course, any mistake I make means that I will be starting over…mostly because I do not know how to fix my mistakes.

19 July 2011

GOOD

Last week Paul decided that he was done with Asian food. We do not have local food very often and I cook most meals at home, so we do not really partake in the Asian fare as often as we did when we first moved here. I had a night when I did not have any desire to cook and suggested that we go out.

We walked down to the beach and perused the outdoor food court, looking for anything appetizing. The only thing that captured our interest in the beginning was an outdoor grill covered in chicken wings. Asian chicken wings are not like the wings served in U.S. bars. Asian wings are much bigger and people here are served the entire wing, not just the arm or the drumstick. Five wings are enough to fill a person’s stomach.

The wings we purchased were advertised as “barbeque” wings. Apparently “barbeque” does not mean seasoned with the sweet and smoky sauce of the South. Singaporean barbeque is nothing more than another term for “grilled over a fire.” The seasoning was not bad, but it was not stellar and it was certainly not good enough to make us crave the chicken wings and go back for more every week.

In the middle of that meal, Paul decided he was done. Sick of Asian food. “Where is the American Chinese food?” he inquired. In America, we eat sweet and sour chicken, sesame chicken, fried rice and fortune cookies. Not in Singapore, my friends. Not in Singapore.

I branched out last week and had Indian food for the first time. I have often been intimidated by Indian food because it is unfamiliar, appears to have strange textures, is often really spicy (I am told) and usually gives people trouble after consumption (again…told…vaguely…).

After a visit to a store in Little India that would overwhelm Sam Walton, a friend and I decided to try a local restaurant. Nervous and honestly not hungry, I told her to order whatever she wanted and I might pick. So we got some saffron rice (which surprisingly lacked flavor) and some butter chicken. The chicken was drowned in a bright red sauce with white cream dressed on top. Though it was a little spicy, the flavor was really nice. I would order it again. I did it. I went to an Indian restaurant, I ordered off the menu, I ate and I liked. I should add this to my list just so I can cross it off.

This week we will be meeting some friends at one of Mario Batali’s restaurants. We were a part of Make Your Own Pizza Night at their house last weekend, which was fantastic. We enjoyed a gorgeous night on their rooftop terrace and grilled pizzas in their smoker. We had grilled chicken, bacon and spinach pizza and pepperoni pizza with the meat brought fresh from the U.S. (we cannot get real pepperoni here). It had to be the best pizza on the island. 

14 July 2011

FUN

Well, I am 0 for 2 on the parks this week. Paul and I awoke yesterday to dark skies and thunderstorms in the forecast, so our chances of making trip to the Tree Top Walk began to fade. I could tell that Paul was not exactly thrilled about my idea to go to a park where we would be outside in the heat, moving (a.k.a. sweating), for hours. A good wife, I ignored his not-so-subtle winces and excuses in an effort to get him out of the house.

My husband works from home and repeatedly finds reasons not to go out and see the world. He likes to be inside, under an air conditioner, on a couch, watching seemingly endless episodes of Frasier and Good Eats online.

I completely understand his desire to be lazy and to be entertained in comfortable atmosphere. I, myself, enjoy having a lazy day once or twice a week. I also know that he should be pulled out into Singaporean society to discover some of what this island has to offer. The great excuse that morning to avoid a trek in the park: “We don’t have insurance. I don’t think we should go anywhere that has monkeys without insurance first.” OK. I can see that he wasn’t thrilled with my idea, the weather was not cooperating…we can skip it this week, but the Tree Top Walk is on my list.

Paul found an aquarium on the island of Sentosa, just south of Singapore’s main island and still a part of the Republic. I call Sentosa the “Island of Fun” because it is filled with resorts, a casino, theme parks, animals and beaches where people actually go to lay out and swim.

We had a great day in some rare, beautiful weather. When we awoke, it was 75 degrees and it stayed cool in the low to mid 80s until early evening. At the aquarium, we saw baby sharks developing in their eggs at different stages. We stood on a moving walkway in a tunnel where fish and sharks swam from side to side as we watched from below. I touched a stingray. Twice.

We rode a few trams to various parts of the island, had lunch at a pub that served more Asian food than English food and then headed to the beach. At Palawan Beach, we crossed a narrow suspension bridge to an islet with two towers and one spectacular view.

Today I met the American ladies for some coffee. I had hoped to have a relaxing lunch with one friend and then explore the nearby botanical gardens. Instead, I wound up wandering around town with five other ladies and shopping for furniture. By the time we finished, I was finished as well and only wanted to take a nap. I did meet a new friend, and I did find a great patio set for the balconies, so I suppose it wasn’t a complete waste of time. I suppose the botanical gardens will just have to wait until Monday.

My third and final attempt to hit a park this week will be the Ballet Under the Stars Friday night. I get my tickets tomorrow and then I will be in for good, no excuses (knock on wood).

12 July 2011

TAKING OVER

To me, applying for jobs can only mean one thing – the end of retirement is near! With that in mind, I am making the most of the retirement I have left before it is all over and I am a working woman again. I have made some friends in the American Women’s Association, something I admit I should have done months ago.

I have been exploring museums and shopping venues, restaurants, sidewalk cafés, and this week, I am exploring three of the island’s parks. Tomorrow morning, Paul and I will wake early to head to MacRitchie Reservoir Park where we will walk across a suspended bridge higher than most tree tops after hiking a few kilometers (no, I do not know the mile conversion yet). I have to say, I am a bit intimidated by the thought of walking on a narrow, suspended bridge 75 meters above the ground, but I think that once I reach the other side, I will feel like I completed a marathon…or at least a 5k. And the pictures should be spectacular.

Wednesday I will be wandering through the botanical gardens and this weekend I will be watching a ballet in Fort Canning Park. I can’t wait.

Today I started writing one of two books I have planned. I am excited to begin writing with the intent to have something published, and I like taking the time to write while I still have unrestricted quiet time. As a child, I did not really enjoy role playing or imagination games after a certain age, so writing fiction is inconceivable. I write what I know and I write honestly, from my own perspective. In a way, I believe writing is therapy – a way to put onto “paper” what I have been thinking all along.

This is going to be fun.


09 July 2011

A NEW CULTURE

Beginning a job search for the first time in three years is tough. Writing a résumé is tough. Times have changed even in the last few years as economies have struggled in some areas and emerged in others. The use of the Internet and the inundation of social media have changed the world as we once knew it. Companies now easily have global audiences whether they have global offices or not and travel is easier than ever…minus that damn TSA.

I imagine that trying to make a career move in the States would be hard enough but the confusion of terminology and business practices here has me almost ready to give up before I get started. Good thing I don’t give up easily. I have only applied for one job so far, and I have not yet interviewed, but I am already running into some pretty significant differences. I wonder if I have to be a citizen to be Singaporean or if I am categorized as Singaporean because I now live here and hold a resident’s pass. No, I do not speak Mandarin but I am willing to learn. I also found out today that I should probably start learning Cantonese if Hong Kong is in my future. Yay me.

My one-page résumé has turned into a three-page curriculum vitae and includes a lot of personal information that would be illegal to provide in the U.S. Applications ask for my picture, my race, marital status, my husband’s occupation, both of our identification numbers (like a social), whether or not I have kids and, if so, their ages. One application asked for my religion, but that was for a church so I guessed it was OK. One application asked for a profile of all of my immediate family members, including my parents and their identification numbers. Why do they need all of this information?

My last position was a director-level role with a manager title, so I have been looking for positions in both managerial and directorial levels. I found a posting or two for an executive-level position so I submitted one and kept a few others in the pile of potential jobs. After doing more research, a.k.a. job hunting, I began noticing that executive positions left a lot to be desired. Finally I deduced that executive positions are actually entry-level positions, which is completely opposite what I am used to. Executives here have 0 to 2 years of experience in the field and report into a senior-level position that is still not actually a senior-level definition by my experience. I hear from other expats that there is a bit of title inflation here.

I have decided that titles do not mean anything and that I am strictly judging a position by its description – and its salary. I met a woman today who is also applying for jobs. Even though her husband’s job was the reason for the relocation, her company set her up with a consultant who is giving her insight into applications and résumés here. We are joining forces to help each other learn what we have each discovered and, of course, I continue to drink coffee, network and see what opportunities are available. Here’s to taking over the world!

06 July 2011

HAPPY 4TH!


I remember my first Christmas alone. I was 26 and living in New Jersey. I worked in a 24/7 industry and volunteered to work Christmas since the rest of my colleagues had family close by. After a hellacious day at work, I got home to find that my oven had suddenly stopped working, meaning my special Christmas dinner for one could not be prepared in the oven like I had planned. I don’t remember what else went wrong, but I remember feeling utterly alone, crying and then laughing at my sad situation. A firm believer that everything happens for a reason, I am sure that Christmas 2008 was preparing me for my time away from the family and the traditions that I relied upon my entire life.

I love holidays and the Fourth of July is no exception. When I was a kid, I used to hate fireworks, especially the really loud ones that flashed like a camera and made heart-stopping BOOMs. I am not sure what made me change my mind, but I somehow grew to love them and then made a goal to travel all over the country to see fireworks shows whenever possible. I suppose it was because I have a lot of memories at great fireworks shows.

Paul and I saw fireworks in Canton, Ohio, on our first date. We were driving back from dinner at Carrabba’s on an evening that just happened to be the night of the annual Pro Football Hall of Fame celebration. Paul stopped the car in a parking lot and we sat and watched the show through his sun roof.

We took a short drive to Pittsburgh after we had been dating for a few years and stood on a bridge over one of the three rivers on New Year’s Eve. We flew to Boston with our friend, Katie, to watch shows over the Charles River. A few years ago, Paul proposed during a New Year's Eve midnight fireworks show. And how can one even mention fireworks without citing the greatness that is Red, White and Boom? Best. Show. Ever. Every year. Hands down.

We have seen fireworks shows over Manhattan, on the coast in Red Bank and we once sat atop a hill on a back road to watch fireworks in Somerset, New Jersey. We were so close that I was nervous the sparks would hit us.

Last summer we watched five simultaneous fireworks shows over all of D.C. and the surrounding areas. This year, we saw five fireworks at a place called the Terror Club. And on Monday, it was just Monday. Banks were open, people went to work, there were people in malls and no one was celebrating anything. It was just like Easter, except we weren’t in church.

We will be celebrating Independence Day, but not until August when Singapore celebrates the country’s separation from Malaysia. We will be celebrating the New Year – twice – with the traditional and the Chinese holidays. I hear that Orchard Road goes all out for Christmas, but we may have to wait to see that as we plan to be in the U.S. at that time. This was the second of many holidays that we are not celebrating in the U.S. and the days just don’t seem the same without others celebrating around us. Luckily, living in a new culture brings new holidays and celebrations like we have never seen.

03 July 2011

MY SUMMER


I often envy friends of mine who chose careers as teachers. They were smart and chose professions that mandate Spring Break, Christmas Break, snow days and, the most envied break, summer. While I never envy the lesson planning, the grading of papers or the parent-teacher conferences, I do envy a job that gives employees vacation time without eating their own personal vacation time. My friend, Anna Marie, always has plans for her summer break, starting with planting her garden. The rest of the summer, she drinks some beer and some wine while watching her garden grow. Perfect! Of course, she also goes to concerts and does some travelling and, yes, even cleans under her couch.

I think regularly-scheduled breaks lead to better job performance and higher job satisfaction levels. These types of breaks should be mandatory at all places of employment. Imagine how it would feel to work your butt off for six weeks and then have a four-day weekend. Think about working 10 weeks and then taking two weeks off to relax and find your sanity once again. Nice, right?

My first job application was submitted last week, making it ever so clear that my retirement/summer break could be coming to a close. This whole job thing is bittersweet. I like having lazy days and I like being able to meet friends for coffee, lunch and a trip to the museum in the middle of the week. Now that I am finally making some friends, I am also making plans and not just hanging around the East Coast like I did before. I am learning my way around the island as I have done some exploring and am happy living day to day. But, having a job that helps me gain more experience and having a paycheck that helps me gain more spending money is a big plus, especially when that spending money goes toward coffee and lunch and trips to the museum.

This evening Paul and I took a bus, two trains and then a shuttle bus to visit the north part of the island and a place called, all joking aside, the Terror Club, where the American Association was hosting a Fourth of July celebration. We passed the TSA checkpoints where our items went through an X-ray machine and we walked through metal detectors as if we were getting ready to board a plane – why, I have no idea – and then we headed inside the gates to something that could have been a baseball field. There were tents set up all around the perimeter and a stage at home plate featured a band playing country music while other tunes like Play That Funky Music played during the breaks.

We arrived about 20 minutes before the fireworks were scheduled to begin and immediately saw some friends inside the gate. We paid just more than S$40 for two BBQ pork sandwiches, two margaritas and a water and then sat on our blanket with our friends. I was about halfway through my sandwich when the fireworks started just over our heads, so I stopped eating, put my plate aside and then laid down on my back for the... Worst. Fireworks. Ever.

The entire show lasted two minutes (I am not kidding – I checked the clock; it was 8:02 when they stopped). Half of the fireworks were too low for anyone to really see because there were trees and the food tent in front of the display. The fireworks that were high enough either came in singles or in threes and they were not that impressive. When the fireworks suddenly stopped, we were perplexed and waited in awkward silence to see if more would appear after a few seconds, but they did not. It was so disappointing.

We did, however, get to see a new part of the island, and we did have a great time with friends. If we had gone by ourselves, I think the evening could have been a bust. To all of you who saw my favorite show in Columbus this weekend, I am truly jealous. After seeing fireworks displays in Boston, Chicago, New Jersey, Pennsylvania and Washington, D.C., none can compare to those of Red, White and Boom. Happy 4th!

01 July 2011

EVENTUALLY


I feel so behind the times here in Singapore, which is ironic since we are at least half a day ahead of those we left behind. World news is available, but I have to actively seek information. For instance, we have a handful of televised news channels available, but only because we selected the News group in our cable package. If we had not, we would not have a single televised news option. I make a point to get online each day to check CNN and our local newspaper’s online edition just to verify that Africa is still in turmoil and Wills and Kate are still making their rounds. CNN does broadcast Piers Morgan, but I miss my 6 a.m. American Morning team because they are not available here. And I really miss CBS’ Sunday Morning.

There are a lot more U.S. shows broadcast here than I would have expected. Channels like FOX, FX, Warner Classic (now CW in the U.S.) and Universal feature many of the shows we did follow. FOX is the catch-all channel that broadcasts NCIS, White Collar, and Bones, which we just started watching and really enjoy. Reality and “trashy” shows can be found on another channel; we recently subscribed to E! and Style so that I can get my Guiliana and Bill fix.

Show times are quite different than before. In the U.S., we had a simple system – shows either started on the hour or on the half hour and were slotted in 30-minute increments. Here, shows can start at 8:50, 8:55, 9, 9:05, 9:10… Some have commercials and some play through without interruption. Primetime shows are broadcast nightly instead of weekly, so seasons only last a few weeks instead of several months. The Singaporean TV stations do help by displaying the season number in each of the titles. For instance, I have recently seen commercials for Grey’s Anatomy 7, which begins its run next week. Spoiler Alert: Since I already saw a few episodes, I can tell you that Derek will survive his gunshot wounds.

While watching a little E! News last night, I noticed a new slide at the beginning of the show – a warning that the upcoming broadcast had flashing images that could cause convulsions for epileptics. I was a bit confused and then chuckled a little to myself. And then I learned that Kim Kardashian was engaged and not to the Aussie bodyguard. See? Behind the times.

I am sure I will catch up to the other side of the world eventually. I am expanding my “social circle” as I attend new events and join more organizations around the island. I am also beginning to apply for jobs, so I know that I will be more up on the news once I am enthralled in a new position and interacting with a lot of people on a daily basis. My life certainly does not revolve around TV, and I am not debating on which couch cushion to dent this summer, but I do like to be in the know when it comes to the important issues.